A Dr. Phil moment!

Several of my very close friends have asked me lately.....how do you do it? How do you make it look so easy? This I do not know? Maybe it is because I am ahead of you....you see I don't think I make it look easy at all. In fact most of the time, I think that most people probably think I am a little nuts, but thank you to all of you for giving me so much credit and for loving me and believing in me anyway. I also must give credit where credit is due....I don't think I would seem so polished if it were not for my "better half"!

Many of my close friends are new mommies, and some are trying to juggle jobs, and husbands, and babies, family, and friends....trying to fit it all in can be exhausting. There is one thing that comes to mind when I think of my marriage, and my relationship with my family and friends and when it comes to my children. Please forgive me for this Dr. Phil moment.....I am going to let everyone in on our little secret.....here it goes, this is good people....are you ready.......communication! Yep, that simple, simple word, pretty much says it all!



Here's the deal, it's no secret that having a baby changes everything, and I do mean everything. The most common complaint I hear is that "he" just doesn't get it, "he's" not doing enough or helping enough......men and women are not built the same, that's just the way it is! They need direction, they need to be told what to do.....(in most cases anyway). Do you tell him that you need help, (communication) do you ask for a night off, (communication) do you give up the power, or do you just think "oh it's just easier and faster if I do it myself"! Ummmm....guilty!



I think that the turning point for us was when I realized that he was in fact trying to help. The problem was, that it wasn't the way I wanted it done, or the way I thought he should do it (notice the pattern) I, I, I! WHO CARES....really, I mean does it really matter if she gets her fruit before the veggies, or if he has on different color socks, or if her hair isn't in those perfect piggy tails and there are no bows (gasp)!!!! The important thing is that the other member of your team is showing up for practice and is ready when he needs to be tagged in....no he may not play the same way, but he is there and that's all that matters! Let go, communicate and talk about what you want and need!



On to the next topic....for the men I think the most common complaint I hear is......I know this is going to be a shocker....sex. Yes, I said it....sex! I am no expert in this department either, and trust me I have thrown out every excuse in the book.... I have a headache, I'm waaay tooo tired, I have PMS, It's too late, the kids are here, I haven't shaved.....in weeks! Oh the list could go on. Truth is that these are all real legit excuses...NEWS FLASH....men don't care. They don't care if you haven't shaved, or even showered for that matter. This takes us back to men are built different in every single way!

My BF went to a seminar recently about relationships...marriage, etc.....the woman who spoke said it so well....it's like going to your bank to make a withdraw....if you haven't put anything in, you can't get anything out. I guess our men just expect the bank to be overflowin' not realizing that the account is negative and has months worth of over draft fees! Men....you have to make your deposits.....you know like you used to Way back when! As crazy as it sounds we still like flowers and compliments, and all that other cheesy stuff! I can promise you, the bank will start to waive those fees ;)


The reason I am writing this post is because I know that the friends who have confided in me have wonderful, solid, love filled marriages. I was standing in your shoes not too long ago. I want you all to know that you are all wonderful women, you have wonderful husbands who make wonderful daddy's. Get back to the basics, get to the core of your love. Open up, be honest, share everything....communicate isn't that how you here in the first place?

So what I want everyone to do, is pick a night......one night a week.....that's it. There are 7 I'm just asking for 1! A night that is made for you and him, no canceling, no excuses, no one else. Go to dinner, see a movie, dust off those bowling shoes (oh come on... you know you have some) go to a park sit under the stars....fall in love again! Ladies, sit in your man's lap, laugh at his jokes, rub your fingers through his hair.....men wash the car, open her door for her, bring her flowers, you know the routine ;) Then once a quarter you plan a trip....just a weekend getaway, doesn't even have to be far. Stay in a hotel (who says that you only do that once a year for your anniversary), eat at a nice place, get a massage, talk and reconnect....sound like fun?

I certainly don't hold all the answers and I don't even know if what we do is right, but I know what works for us! Thank you for trusting me and confiding in me like you have! Don't ever forget who you are....you are a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and aunt, and an amazing friend. Just in case no one has told you today....you are doing an amazing job!

web-sites for sitters.....they do background checks and all!
http://www.gonannies.com/
http://www.care.com/